Getting it OUT

The Toxics are what I dread. I get hit with them fast, like a ton of lead weight. It starts with a small crack in happy. You would miss it even if you knew me inside & out. Quickly it permeates my mood, turning me into a depressed, moody, angry person. This can stay that way for days before The Rage. Sometimes I can hide The Toxics all the way up to the The Rage but it always comes. Always. 

I'm ashamed that my kids have lived in fear at times. We all joke about my epic temper but there's an underlying ugliness. I've broken things, said heinous things, & acted a fool. Once The Rage is over, depression takes hold or I can return to Ground Zero Happiness. 

This is common with us PTSD folk. I'm not alone in this. Coping skills & attempts at battling only make things worse. I have hope that as time goes on, I learn to manage The Toxics & Rage better.