I have a math problem. Have since 5th grade. So much so that I can not balance a checkbook to the penny, or the dollar even. I'm content to get within $5 over/under. This doesn't bode well with my OCD which thank GODS has nothing to do with numbers. I have a friend who's OCD does & man....he makes me look sane. (Typed without a straight face cause, let's face it, he's not blogging about his insanity...)
So 5th grade. I got my first B. Like, ever. I'm a genius & have the IQ scores to prove it. But in 5th grade my dad got kicked out & while my mother was moving his boxes out, she was moving another man's tighty whiteys IN. For this, my sisters & I stayed with my grumpa for a week. Yes, grumpa. Not a typo. I'm genius remember? I gotta give mother credit. She was a dancer of the ballroom variety before she met my dad & at some point must have perfected tap dancing because my memories of age 10-11 were riddled with a revolving door she swears doesn't exist. Pssht. -> ME <- genius REMEMBER?! One night my dad was over for dinner. It seemed like maybe reconciliation. He even said to 10 year old me, "Maybe your mom & I can make this work after all". Oh daddy... So he leaves & within 15-30 minutes the yellow Ford pulled in where the black Blazer had been. Dessert had arrived. This was the night my dad kicked in the bottom of the screen door because he was so livid. My next door neighbor, who's mom detested me, even allowed me to have sour cream & onion Pringles & my first cappuccino. They were Italian, we were German...my mom & hers didn't like each other, I was often fallout from their decade old feud but I enjoyed the chips. Took me another 20 years before I'd have another cappuccino. Yes, it was ALL "that bad". After the chips & coffee my mother took me for a walk to my boundary (like 5 houses away?) & told me her & my dad were divorcing & it was because he was a dangerous man. She was going to make sure he "never" hurt us girls. (I pause for an extra long sigh & eye roll that I inherited & picked up from my dad because it's a good place for such) ...............siiiiiighhhhhh...............eye roll.
So, school starts, I get the dreaded B, my dad wasn't pleased but my mom said, "it's ok, I expect your grades to suffer some while there is a divorce going on". To ME this translated to "I'm giving you this opportunity to screw off & ignore grades, they don't mean much anyway since your family is falling apart". She might have even said that, I don't know. Fuzzy memories and all. 6th grade, I'm at a new school with only 3 people I know, none of whom like me. My mother is marrying the yellow Ford man, Kevin, who had just bailed on HIS wife for another mans wife. Oh, and HIS wife had a brand new baby who Kevin didn't meet until just recently. I'm 36 y'all. Priorities. But I'm the maid of honor & wore some ugly second hand dress that was more for going to pilgrim school than a wedding but ok. This whole time I hear stories of how my dad is violent & scary. He had a temper, I knew that since I inherited it as well. I'd never seen him be violent to her, though now I kinda wish I had....sigh.
So since I flunked 6th grade (because after all, I was fragile & sad) I was moved schools. I got a little better but before the first quarter of 7th grade was over, I had moved in with my dad, never to return to my mothers. Here's where the abuse comes in: I was living with my dad who was in school. My mothers lawyer ruined him financially so we were living with my grandma. She is awesome. My dad tried to get the child support modified or temporary guardianship, that bitch wouldn't give an inch. She was ALWAYS telling him how she was the custodial parent, so on my dad goes, paying child support for me when I lived with him. I became ammunition. A pawn. She fired the first shots, he finally fired back but by then, I was moving on. At 15 I went to a group home followed by moving in with boyfriends. Abusive boyfriends.
Teenage life is hard enough without that mess, but I made it & am determined to not repeat that with my children.
To be continued.... Aka "The Posts That Become Interesting"
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