My Story Part One

First born to a woman who was seeking a sugar daddy. He honorably married her & for the first 6 years of my life, I was the princess. At 4 I was molested while my grandma took her car thru the car wash. Her car leaked & she was a trusting woman. I was a spoiled brat & knew that I'd get a pop or candy for waiting. Instead I got a penis in my face. My recollection of this is splotchy. I remember less about the incident & more about the trauma of the prosecution. Even a 4 year old gets treated like a felon on the stand. I remember the line-up. I remember my mother acting like a victim (crying, "how can this be happening" blah blah). I remember putting on my purple dress with ruffles & waiting in a room with my mother & a couple grown ups. I remember the courtroom & sitting on a booster seat & seeing "Paul", which I'm pretty sure is his name but not 100%. I remember his face. I remember his ugly penis. I remember uncomfortable questions & saying words that embarrassed me. Penis. Vagina. Vulva. Bottom. "What did it taste like?" from the man sitting by Paul. I remember.

Maybe I should mention that my dad and mother were Tulsa Auxillary Police Officers. There was ALWAYS police at my house. I remember names, faces, ohmygod CANDY!!! Now I know that after I was molested, the officers were there to pity me. This happened to one of their OWN officers' kids. How? Protect & serve?  I wonder how many of them felt responsible. I knew what Paul did was bad, because of what I'd been told. I didn't care though (at the time) because I got candy & time with grandmas & toys & my dad paid attention to me. It wasn't the worst of times.

So there was that. I went to my first therapist then. Dr. Schwartz. Then I saw a woman named Kitty. I liked her better because we played games & I had Tootsie Rolls. After time went on, the attention went away, my mom had to find a way to go on so she got knocked up. Reflecting on it now, my dad wasn't around a whole lot, I think the marriage was in trouble (because when you marry out of "honor" because you knocked some slut up, nothing could go wrong, especially when trauma strikes). So entrapment baby 2 was born....

To be continued.....